Well, my day has been cut short. I had a lot more work to do for the Chamber and my internship than I thought, so this is all I was able to accomplish before taking off. I am going to a private pillates session that I won (Yippee!) and then I am going to see a movie with my cousin! Perhaps, I will get home a bit early and add more, plus tell you about the movie my cousin and I are going to see. We haven't quite made up our minds yet so I have nothing to say. But here is more of Strangers in the Dark...
Strangers in the Dark (Chapter One continued)
A single warning shot silenced everyone within a half mile radius. One man began to speak, his voice reaching us before he even came into view. “Please, everyone, stay calm. Form a single file line. Have your identifications with picture ID ready. All children also must be identified before leaving the city.”
“Dad?” He answered me before I could say anymore.
“I have everything we need in the spare pack. Do you have your driver’s license on you like I asked?”
“Yes.”
“Good. We’ll be fine then.”
“Why was there a shot?” Jensen asked, but Mom silenced as we turned the corner onto the main highway.
Everything came into view: a single file line, stretching more than three blocks, a row of six or seven police cars, sawhorses lined with barbed wire, more than a dozen cops and even more army soldiers, and a single uniformed man standing on police car with a megaphone, directing the crowds to the line. Dad, Mom, Jensen, and I all stepped into form. (169 words)
"Identifications and picture ID"? I think "identifaction" would cover both facets. If you want more clarity, consider being more specific, such as "documentation and photo ID."
ReplyDeleteMatt...Thanks for the suggestion. I am trying not to do revisions until the end though. When I used Unclaimed Darkness for the creative writing class, my writing ceased for almost a year because I was so bogged down with revisions. That was mostly my fault though. I really let the comments, however good or bad, get to me and I was so focused on making things perfect and work before carrying on that I never carried on. Every time I changed something, something else got thrown off. That's really why I had to start all over, just to get it all out of my head. Now, I'm just writing.
ReplyDeletelol, I know your suggestion is small, but I feel like a crack addict, like if I change one thing, I'm going to change it all. The nice thing is that any comments on this manuscript will be here when I am finished.